Maybe this isn't Switzerland, but it looks just similar. In the year 2003, I visited Jonas' home, Bern, Hasliberg, a life time experience. Can't ever do it alone and can't forget it forever.

Thank you, Jonas for giving me as a wonderful memories. 

Mailing to L. L,


I told him that I am cool now,
I read Tagare's poem lately,
There are more things I can do in my life,
do trouble yourself in the past,

Positive thinking..

Abandoned

To L. L

I wonder,
woder why you being such a coward,
Don't ever rise your courage and write to me,
Is this best thing to me?
let's forget what happen like it?

I wonder,
tell me what you think,
Let me know thats the end for it,
Will you?
Spare me the mercy,
Will you?
This is the most important thing I need,
To know what do you think about me,
Love, Cherish, or Vanish..

Abandoned?
Want to cry out,
There is no tears for you,
It gonna to take a while to recover, you never know,
I wish I have a superman, that will care me forever, forever.

沒辦法


沒辦法 如果我們一起出去 你卻不照顧我
沒辦法 不看著手機 等你電話

怎麼會 我的牙刷上 出現你的味道
怎麼會 掛在心中的時鐘又開始滴滴答答的轉

我不要 再愛上你一遍
我不要 忘記你身上的味道

可是 你不愛我
可是 我卻無能為力

都是 我不夠漂亮吧
都是 我的頭髮不夠長吧, 眼睛不夠大吧, 不夠有女人味吧

所以 你會走, 你會不愛我, 你只是安撫我

男人 到底把女人當什麼


Start thinking about you since i left you 3 hours and 31 minutes.
tiring to search for your msg,
tiring to wait for your call,
我, 到底算什麼
你的安慰獎嗎? 算我中了頭彩嗎? 為什麼喜悅的感覺沒有持續著?
Like I always said, it's not real,
Wake up, girl,
如果玩不起 別玩了
你一錯再錯 知道嗎
他不值的

It's your call


This letter belongs to L. L.

After so many years, after I tired so hard to remove you from my dreams,
Cruelly, I deleted you number from my phone book again, the second time I did it.
I know this is best for me.
You just want to be friends, but I can't see you walking on the red carpet and still smiling,
I am selfish,
I don't want to be a replacement,
the only thing connects us is the short time passion,
I am conflicting,

" You can still be friends."
"I don't love you anymore, I told myself.
Which part of you attracts me, none
you are just a spoiled kido

"Wake up, you won't see him next time."
I realize, I won't see him again for a long time,
This is not a game, this is the life that I choose,
suffering, conflicting, all the controdictory....
on live.

L. L

Got a phone from L, this guy, I have so much mixed feelings to him.
Maybe I am matue enough to tell love and temp love,
We laughed like normal, talked like norml, everything is normal, until i got drunk again.
Man's beast came out again, I was half awake, half drunk.

He asked me to join his MSN list,
should I do it? shouldn't I?
If I have let it go, I should,
If I still care, I should not.
He said I don't seat like girls, it sounds familiar,
many years ago, he said the same to me, I know.
Some part of me still has not changed, I am still the same girl in front of him.
I decide not giving him my msn.

Awaking

he didn't get my msn, maybe he can find out from hotmail page.
I don't want to be the gril on his list.
He said he missed me last night, that didn't mean he loves me.
Walking on the street, thinking that will he hold my hands?
I got the answer, he let my hands go away.
There is a line between us now.
I am his one night stand, although nothing happened,
I am just a body that contains some past love to him.
I don't want to see him again, not like this, not if I will get on his bed.
Will not call him, will not miss him, will take him as another normal guy,
I am ok, I am ok, just don't think about last night that he holded me so thight.
that he kissed me lips,
that it seems we are in love again, like anyone else.
Do not it, if you don't want to pay any love to me.

L L

End of Story


Me and E has ended.

His words from his blog: http://www.wretch.cc/blog/eric1222
November 23, 2005

To My Dear~ Ayano

sorry~
i know you cannot believe me anymore~
this time... i was prepare to visit you and ask you to merry me...
but now, i really dont know what should i do.
those word, i am lazy to explain.
the one you believe had gone from your heart.but
the one you was believe is still here waiting...
you are the only one Iwant, and you will always to be the one.

feel sorry for him.

What r you waiting for? Looking a familiar name from the MSN, Who? Why..
He didn't reply your msg, maybe ...mabye he is with other girls.


This article I forward it from his blog---missing of his ex.

November 18, 2005

是回憶? 是愛意?
"叮咚!叮咚!有人在家嗎?"
在分手的第一千零一十八天~即時通幫你賣命的呼喚~喚起了我沉睡的回憶~
我終於又見到了妳~ㄧ千多個日子後~我們就好像甚麼事都沒有發生的見面了~
瘋狂的喝著酒,盡興的聊著天~
其實...我很努力的壓抑著~
壓抑...也訝異...壓抑我想抱你的衝動~訝異我想抱你的衝動~ㄧ切...
真的過去了嗎?為了妳, 我封閉了多久的心?
老實說...我開始不安.害怕..

After reading this article, i suddently found, why am I so stupid, what is it made me to love him?
I can't tell.
It just like someone punch into my face ( ref:Jonas) ( a bit clear)...why why why...
Thinking about my past boyfriend make me feel happier..it's true, at least i can think about Jonas or Jeffery..hahah
Seeing someone else's pain, or lost love, just make me laugh. it's not worthy.
So, I get over it. WOOOO, so nice.

Today's mood, Please see MY MSN SPACE ON 2005, NOV, 21.

Am I falling in Love?

Don't want to think about E, He took me home last night after clubbing. We slept on the same bed, but really nothing happened..I am happy that i didn't do anything stupid. On the way to his app ( in the car), he kepting saying that he can't forget his ex-, but anaing emphazing that they are done alreasy..
I dont want to hear that really, but who am i, not position to say anything. He doesn't like me even.
He looks so gorgous as he dancing..Nice movement, steps and ass..should have a pic for you to remember, sheam that you can't see it.
That's enough for me, stoping thinking abot him. shit, why he just logs in in MSN. never mind.
Maybe it's good sign that it shows I can love people again, there are still someone in the world that i want to take care of.


Happy Potter is on from 18, Nov.

I miss England so much, want to stay there with someone, or maybe noone. It will be ok, cos i have Barbara. Image yourself in the cinema and watching Harry Potter, It's just wonderful.

Living Mall


Went to Party Room in Living Mall last night with E, his ex and two of his friends. I didn't like the electronic musuc, in the begining didn't have fun at all.
They have another room to play Rap muisc, sometimes is good, sometimes not.
Met a American guy from New York called Scott, it's ok..Not a good dancer, I like dancers..
Wondering one day that i can do so much on the stage..That'd be wonderful.
It's time to go out and stoping lock myself in this little room, it's not fair. Don't pity yourself again and again.
I am attracted by kind of guy that he is always the spot light of the crowed, energetic, leader kind.. sociable to friends.. I think that this is my idea boyfriend type, shame that i can't attract a guy like that.
From my experience, maybe that I am not fit for this kind of guy..Most of time I am a loser. just for this case.
I am still take care of myself well, at least I am doing..always makes yourself looking gorgous,
I miss Barbara, she can always gives me support. Dun't know what am i doing in Taiwan, wasting my time, or being with my family? Even I went to UK, so what..Jonas is not there for me anymore, he needs some time to be alone, and i will not go to disture him.
What's left in England for me? My sweet memory...the time that I was glorying myself. I will calll it.

November's Chopin

Listening to Jay Chou's November's Chopin拾壹月的蕭邦 -夜曲
all of sudden, want to wake up the beast inside me....I want to become a extreme person, day and night.

This pic didn't show too much feelings..just kind of sad, memorize my fading love.

Can't deal with E anymore...This is my first time to do like this, have to be tough to him,

要把自己的裝的堅強 要給誰看 我不要

就是要硬生生逃離這一切 流血 也要忍著

孤單 也要忍著

找個自己舒服的地方吧 痛苦吧 走吧 忘了吧

Manpower

Calling Manpower for yesterday's job. It's good to hear that they have possitive commends about me. Johnny (Moto guy) thinks that I am an excellent condidate for them, just a sham that they don't have suitable poistion for me now.
They both think that I am a person with firm attitude, knowing that where am i going, but maybe not sure where am i going to end up with.

Johnny can perform Moto's culture as well. With comfortable, and clear, well-orgainzed, no cheating, honest. He thinks i am suitable for meeting, treating foreigner guests.

Dephine is a nice perosn as well, she encourages candidate as she does, will introduce me to another position-Secretary in the Citi bank. I hope that I can get their phone asap.

Fading Relationship

Just realize that E never says anythingk pretty about me..I feel myself worthless..And I know I am not. How stupid i am, don't need to waste time with him.
Something he said on the MSN really pissed me off, saying I have no job, no money and no boyfriend..It's totally no respect to a girl.

ps.Listening to music from media player, hate need to open the window if i need to skip the song, miss the quick button Jonas made for me, just a simple touch.

Went for an interview for a Sales Assistant/Admin at Motorola today. It's a contractor position.
Advantages:
1. Good money: at least 30.000 up.
2. Big name, sounds nice on the CV
3. Good location:going to pubs and tjhe dancing school easily.

Disadvantage:
1. he explaned that this is a no english job.maybe only for writing
2. He said that i am over-qualified.
3. sounds a boring job, lots of Excel forms. *I don't like it.
4. job responsibilities: work out with underneath contractors, assisting their needs, provide some statistical numbers. Logistic part..

Should I comproise? Is this the job I can do? I can do good in this job? What is the future about it, What can I learn from this?
Retail logistic, communication, admin skills..

This is a cold jok from Hank...Real life from V&L...

11月14日
冷笑話
甲: 工讀生!!
乙: 又~~
甲(搬出一堆資料): 這些給你歸檔，以後就你負責。還有廠商的連絡......ooxx...xxoo...等等...
乙: 可是，我是工讀生耶...
甲: 我知道!!工讀生!!以後上班不要看學校的書，專心工作；不要多話，只說重點。還有，以後下班前把你每天做了什麼事情呈報上來！
乙: 可是，我是工讀....(聲音越來越小)
甲(搶著說): 我知道!!工讀生嬤!!以後不準太早下班，至少晚個半小時，以示認真及向心力！
乙: 可是，我....
甲(憤怒的吼): 我知道....上班時間不準像現在那麼多話！！！工讀生 ！！！！


(現實正熱映中...)


We need something like it...

愛我還是他

Like to make myself feeling blue.
Man, you can love more than one person...
Going out with E, having somethingk to eat toghether. We are each other's company..Did talk at all after came home, even we are both on-line.
Got a phone call from Manpower, good news, maybe i will get an interview in Motorola, although i didn't like their cellphone.
Treating E like my temp lover, sometimes care about him, not too much, we are not a couple after all..and he didn't show that he likes me..can't feel that..
Be honest, why i don't feel comfortable in front of him, i think myself isn't pretty..it's not the case for me before..Dear God. I don't think that i am falling in love with him.

Roxy VS. Conquer

Went to Roxy with E last night...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOh, it's so fun.....and I was so high..We met a Scootish guy called David, his ex-girlfriend was working the the bar, so he could get free takila shot all the time-he claimed that he was trying to pay...Anyway, I had tree shot and one bottle of Heineken, some beers from E. I love scottish accent...reminds me England..and the Suyway-Mike....I was so high with the music-Madana's new song, Hung up.....I got so drunk....we left around 230am..I stayed with E.... You know what happened later...
This morning I got up and just knew that I couldn't go to TWC's job,,,,writing a email saying that iwas sick to the company...of course ...they didnt' receive that and they called me about 9am...pretending again that i am so sick......,,,bad girl....I don't really mind cos this job is not money...I won't get my this thursday's paycheck..I guess...

I feel that I am done with E...We are totally different from each other, from different world.
I am free now...letting my mind out of boundary of relationship....I am free from E...I don't lock myself in this narrow room....Although there are someting we didn't say or mention to each other. There are something you just dont' say...keep it in your heart...and there is nothing to go further..We don't have lots common subject...It happened to fast and will gone with winds.....
Now I can not to think about E, after observing him for all day long. He seems to have hard time with his girlfriend, they got an arguement over the MSN..Most of things he does is chatting on-line.Maybe it's weekend, so he doesn't use his brain.
Allow me to introduce my Mr.E.
He used to stay on the island for quite a while, not too bad English..having a broken family, always alone, was in the gangs when he was small. So he knows lots BRO. Having some scars from flghts.. Got some leadership character, shame doesn't know how to use it..He got potential to make something or become someone..I believe, but he has to know himslef better..
His appartment was so messy, I think this is the reason that I wanted to go home..This place is like a shelter( It's not that bad, but in the middle) I admmit that boy's room is not tidy, but his place doesnt' have the home feeling. Maybe for him, it's not so important..I just there is something missing..
I do not think that he likes me. His affair is finished.

One Night Stand?

Can't fall asleep, think about this question again and agian..Noone wants to be a name of somebody's collection list such as starsign..or cross comparision with blood type.
For people who can do lots ONS, what do they think?

They don't assume people just want to have sex in the first place, at lease most of pleple won't think this way..Apart from those they show their purpose clearly..
Don't know how did E get it...questions ..

Do they always start relationship with sex and see if they can keep going? and this will be the reason why this relationship can only stay fro few months..Not everyone is looking for stability.or they don' t really want to continue it..cos their is no love at the frist place.
When the situation happens to a man, others will only pay for admire look,( for guys, and girls react like it's ok.) When it happened to a girl, others say she is a bitch.
For my opinion, i can be a bus, that everyone can get on it. I do have my respect. My own displine-make sure about your position, what do youwant, short time passion or long term love.
So, what happened between me and E, what is it? is he serious? am I serious? I know myself,,
I am having a tough time now. His personality maked people around him joyful and feeling safe..Although his biking skill is so scary, he can make a right turn with 70/km speed, making girls hold on him tightly, he is quite good at doing this.

He is not a good looking guy, but just can brigh happyness to everyone, having leadership character. He doesn't ask gril's opinion really, he can make up his mind and knowing where to do or do go. Unfortunately, this is most girls weekness- too depending on their boyfriends.
kinda of tire now, still listening to David Tao's 愛我還是他, feeling something. That's why I want his comapny this afternoon. But, we didn' t meet up. It's a wise decision.

I only find troubles for myself..thinking about him all the time...the mistakes every grils will make. He is not my boyfriend, so should i think about him, when is he calling, what is he doing, is he having other girls as well, with other girls......and so on
but these are not what i suppose do at all, he is got girl, and we didn't honest with each other. I refuse to become a name of his hunting list. I believe that i am just lonely,,need a company, need one hand to hold on, so fragile, now...want to have a shoulder. and he comes alone...When the passion is fading...we dont have future. Girl, wake up, or someone comes to save me.

Lonely Hearts, no answers

Jonas got my hand-made birthday..sending me a mail saying that he feels he is an idot. This is not the first time I drop tears fro him..again and agian, I always know that he needs to be leave along for his own good..and I don't want to ask anything from him anymore.
as I put on his birthday card...I disappear from his memory...This is the gify from me for him.

what kind of songs makes people most painful? From the song type, maybe we can know ourself...are you still lost in your fading love? people always do,,,they all have an unforgetable relationship..
Listen to David, Tao's news work..."Love me or her/him", telling all the struggles from this three persons world. One man between 2 women, or one woman between 2 men.
It's not my position to describe the second position. We are more or less influence by his MV. Relationship needs excitement for man, and woman looks for stability. When man can't find it in their current relationship, what do they do?
My friend is in a over two years relationship with a girl, but they are staying in different countries, just sepetate for 3 monthes. He is having ONS with other girls..is his girlfriend doing the same? I don't have answer. When two lonely hearts touchs, the will be sparks.
Who started it...lonelyness...makes it all happened.